


the garden of remembrance

by MoonCat163



Category: Loki Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki gets flowers, Loki misses Frigga, Tea Parties, may contain triggers for grief and anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29728536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonCat163/pseuds/MoonCat163
Summary: You’re the florist for Pepper and Tony, and Loki sees you when you come to the Avengers’ floor to replace a flower arrangement. Instead of tossing the flowers you’d just taken down, you offer them to him and make a fresh arrangement.The gesture triggers memories of Frigga, and the times that Loki had spent taking tea with her in her garden.
Relationships: Loki/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 101





	the garden of remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a Loki head cannon on tumblr. I intended for it to be fluffy, but it didn’t end up that way. 
> 
> Link: https://gaitwae.tumblr.com/post/639752519238696960/im-not-exactly-sure-how-headcanons-work-but-let

Every few days, the cut flower arrangement in the common room changed. Loki had never really paid attention before, and hadn’t even seen the person who brought the flowers or replaced them. The only reason he’d noticed this time was because of the roses. 

The large, crystal vase held at least two dozen of beautiful, lilac flowers, and they caught his attention. He stopped abruptly before going over to examine them closer. As he raised a hand to touch them, a pang went through his chest, and his hand stilled. 

The roses reminded him of Frigga’s carefully cultivated garden, where she went almost everyday to enjoy the scent of the various flowers, and to direct the gardeners to trim, or treat ailing plants. Sometimes, between royal duties, she’d have tea there, and Loki would join her. 

Sitting at the table in the middle of the garden, having tea and snacks with his mother, was a calming activity, and he enjoyed every minute of it. He learned to distinguish the scents of the flowers, and Frigga would smile proudly when he correctly identified the plants. 

As he grew older, Loki still would join her; Thor had never been able to sit still long enough to appreciate the garden, so Loki had their mother’s full attention during the tea. He cherished this with every fiber of his being, and missed this quiet time immensely. 

Loki carefully touched the blooms before leaning down to smell them. They were different from Asgardian flowers, of course, but still the scent triggered memories of Frigga. 

“Taking time to smell the roses, are we?”

Loki sighed quietly at the question, which was only  _ slightly _ mocking, since it came from Tony Stark. He straightened and turned toward him. 

“Simply admiring them,” Loki replied. Stark didn’t need to know about the memories the blooms evoked. “Do you have a garden here?”

“No, Pepper knows a good gardener, and she brings fresh flowers in every few days,” Tony replied. 

Loki nodded before going about his business. He was curious about the florist, and the garden, though. Several days later, he chanced upon the person who brought the flowers. 

He had just made himself tea before heading to his usual reading spot in the common room. He had a book tucked under his arm, and hoped that things would remain quiet so that he could enjoy it. He saw the woman before she saw him. 

“Good morning.”

The soft voice made you jump slightly, since you were intent on arranging new flowers in the vase, and getting them  _ just _ so. You’d brought roses again, and this time they were ivory with a center of pale pink. 

“Hi,” you replied, with a smile. “I hope I haven’t disturbed you.”

“Not at all,” Loki said. “I’ve been admiring the roses. I understand from Stark that you also have a garden.”

“That’s right,” you replied. “And a greenhouse.”

“Oh?” Now his interest was piqued. “I’m Loki, by the way.”

“I’m pleased to meet you,” you replied, with another smile, before you told him your name. “Do you garden?”

“My mother did.”

“Oh.” Somehow you knew that this might be a touchy subject, so you didn’t dwell on the statement. 

Once you finished the new arrangement, you gathered the lilac ones up. They were still in good shape, which gave you an idea. 

“Would you care to have these? I have an extra vase, and they should last for another couple days once I trim them.”

Loki was taken aback by the question, but then nodded. He followed you into the kitchen, and then watched while you arranged the flowers. 

“Here you go. I’ll be back on Thursday and will have fresh ones for you, if you want, of course.”

“That is very kind of you.”

“It's no problem at all,” you responded, with another smile. “See you then.”

Once you were gone, Loki stared at the flowers you’d given him before he deposited them in his suite via seidr. Despite the memories they invoked, he looked forward to seeing what you would bring next. 

Later, when he retired to his rooms, the roses’ scent had permeated the space. It wasn’t overwhelming, but was just enough to bring back the times spent with Frigga. 

— — — 

The team had been absent from the Tower for a week-long conference, and when they returned, Tony noticed that the flower arrangement in the living room had been changed. He also noticed a smaller arrangement on the kitchen counter, and that the card on it had Loki’s name. 

“Hey, Mischief, you got something here!” He called out before Loki could disappear into his quarters. 

Loki detoured to the kitchen and once he caught sight of the flowers, and that Tony was trying his best to read/not read the card, he quickly vanished them away. Then, without a backwards glance, Loki left the kitchen. 

Once in his room, he examined the mint green roses you’d left for him. He was flattered that you’d made the effort to match them to his colors, even though the green was lighter than the emerald color he was known for. He also found that you’d left a card on the arrangement, which had your name, shop address, and phone number. 

Loki committed the information to memory before it disappeared from his fingers. He wasn’t sure why the card had been left behind; it could have been a force of habit, or (more unlikely) you’d left it as an obtuse invitation for him to contact you. He felt certain that no mortal would be interested in him, at least not anytime soon, and more to the point, he wasn’t interested in mortal companions anyway. 

He thought about you, the flowers, and the card before deciding that he was merely interested in the garden and the flowers. Then he asked Jarvis for walking directions to your shop. 

It took several days for Loki to take that first step out of the Tower. Jarvis directed him through the phone that Tony had given him, but he’d nearly changed his mind several times. Before he knew it, though, he arrived at the shop, with it taking several more minutes before he actually went in. 

Once inside, the scents of the flowers were almost overwhelming and triggered the memories of his mother. He didn’t move right away, just stood still and looked around. There were all types of flowers, some already in arrangements, so he went in for a closer inspection. His fingertips brushed carefully over vibrant blossoms, and felt their smoothness. 

— —

When Loki entered your shop, you were in the back room filling orders. One of the employees came for you after recognizing him, so you came out to greet him. 

“Loki?”

He turned as you approached him, and smiled softly while you wiped your hands on your apron and prayed that your nails weren’t stained green from the cut flowers you’d been working with. 

“This is a pleasant surprise,” you said. 

“I was out walking, and happened upon the shop….I had time to drop in,” he replied, while picturing Jarvis rolling ‘his’ eyes. 

“Well, I’m glad you stopped by,” you told him. “Could I show you around?”

“I don’t want to take you away from anything-“

“You wouldn’t be,” you assured him. “Come on, we’ll start with the garden.”

Loki’s heart jumped at that, but he followed you through a doorway, and found a large, impressive garden that contained all types of plants, including fruit trees. As you walked beside him and identified each plant, you also pulled fruit for him to sample: including apples, pears, peaches, and plums. 

Then you took him into the greenhouse, where more delicate flowers were grown, along with other trees that weren’t native to the area. He was simply fascinated by the roses you grew, and some had unusual colors. He listened while you explained the process for getting some of the colors, which was far different from Frigga’s method of charming plants to present multicolored blossoms. 

Finally, you got to the orchids, and the bird of paradise, which had their own space. He studied them closely, while avoiding touching the blooms, once you explained that oil from fingers would kill them. 

As you’d led him through the garden and greenhouse, you noticed that he seemed to withdraw into himself. You reasoned that the plants reminded him of his mother, but you didn’t dare broach the subject. 

“The garden, and all this, is lovely,” he finally commented, with a sad smile. “Thank you for showing them to me.”

“Of course,” you replied. 

“I should go now, and let you get back to your patrons,” he said, reluctantly. 

“Alright.”

You led him out of the greenhouse, but along the way, you filled a market bag with fruit from the trees and handed it to him. 

“So they don’t go to waste,” you explained after he protested. “Please come by again anytime you’re free. I’m usually here, unless I have to fill in for a delivery driver.”

Loki nodded, although he wasn’t sure whether he would come back. The garden brought too many memories, and although they were mostly pleasant, it also reminded him that Frigga was gone. 

— —

Several weeks passed after Loki had ventured to your shop. You’d only seen him once when you’d gone to the Tower to refresh the flower arrangements, and to leave one for him. Tony pointed you to the vase that Loki had brought from his suite, so you took it with you when you left. 

The next time you returned, Loki didn’t exit his suite, but Thor was in the common area alone, trying to find something interesting to watch. You couldn’t help but find it a bit amusing to see the Norse God of Thunder channel surfing, and you wondered where the others were. 

He got up to watch while you arranged the flowers for the main room, and then the one for Loki. You were self conscious to be under scrutiny, but he seemed genuinely interested. 

“Are those for Loki?” He finally asked. 

“Yes.”

Thor nodded slightly before speaking again. “Our late mother had a large garden, with many fragrant plants. She and Loki had tea there many times.”

“What about you?”

“I was more interested in training, and being with my friends...I didn’t join them too often.” Thor paused for a moment. “I wish now that I’d taken the time to do so.”

It wasn’t your place to try to comfort him, but it was your first instinct. There wasn’t really much you could say, since you’d only just met him. So, instead, you simply reached for his hand, and prepared yourself in case he rebuffed you. 

Thor didn’t even flinch when you touched him; he grasped your hand gently and squeezed your fingers before letting go. You tried not to sniffle as you quickly finished with Loki’s flowers. 

“I’ll be sure he gets these,” Thor said, once you’d cleared the work area and packed your tools. 

“Thanks. It was a pleasure meeting you, Thor.”

“The pleasure is mine,” he replied, with a slight bow. “However, I’m afraid I don’t know your name.”

“Oh!” Once you introduced yourself, Thor took your hand again and squeezed carefully. 

“I look forward to seeing what you bring next time.”

— — —

After visiting your shop, Loki pretty much confined himself to his quarters. He didn’t exit unless necessary, such as for meals, intel meetings, and a brief mission. He became restless, but still didn’t make an effort to interact with any one. 

Thor, and the others noticed the change in him; while it wasn’t unusual for him to refrain from friendly interactions, he would at least leave his quarters in order to read in the common room.

When you left flowers for him, he felt as if he should at least greet you and show appreciation, yet still he remained in his suite. The simple gesture touched him as it had been some time since anyone had been nice to him just for the sake of being nice. He waited for you to ask something of him, and it confused him a bit when you didn’t. 

Each vase contained little note cards that wished him a good day, and had your signature on them. There was a small stack of them now, and he kept them with him so that he could read them over again. 

He had underestimated the effect that the flowers had on him: he dreamed of Frigga several times, so had given up trying to sleep.

Tonight, Loki found himself more restless than usual, and he paced in his living room, along the large windows that allowed him a view of the city below. Lightning flashed in the distance, followed by a faint sound of thunder. Storms sometimes calmed him, but not so tonight. 

He decided that he needed room to breathe, so he left the Tower for a walk, and slipped his phone into a pocket. Even though Jarvis had insisted that he take it with him, Loki had a different use for it. 

— — —

Shortly after midnight, you heard something knock at the door to your home. At first, you thought the noise was due to the storm that raged outside. The wind was strong enough to knock things over, so you chalked the sound off as storm related. 

The next time you heard it, you realized that it was definitely a knock, so you got up before cautiously looking out the peephole. What you saw had you quickly unlocking the door in order to yank it open. 

“Loki?!”

“I’m sorry….I had to get out of the Tower….if you don’t want me here, I’ll go,” he said, in one rushed breath. 

In answer, you stepped back and urged him in. He was soaked to the skin, and strands of hair clung to his face; his jeans, dark green Henley, and his boots dripped water onto the floor, and you knew he had to be uncomfortable. 

“Let me get some towels,” you said, before you rushed to the bathroom and back with a stack of fluffy towels. 

Loki took one and wiped his face before rubbing his hair vigorously. 

“I’m afraid I don’t have anything dry to offer you to wear,” you told him. “I have some sweatpants, but they’d be too short…”

“No, it’s alright, I can dry them,” he replied, quietly. 

With that, he used seidr on his clothes, and had them dried within a few seconds. He even dried the floor where water had puddled at his feet. He rubbed at his hair again before handing the towel back to you, and ignored your stunned expression at the use of his magic. 

“Thank you.”

“Ah-Sure.” You set the towels aside in order to urge him toward the couch. “Here, sit down.”

“I really shouldn’t have come here,” he responded. “I’m sorry that I woke you.”

He didn’t move to sit until you took his wrist and gently tugged him forward. Finally, he simply deflated once he’d lowered himself onto a cushion. 

“Actually, you didn’t wake me. I usually sleep through storms, but not tonight,” you replied. “For some reason, I was awake and restless.”

While he remained silent, you looked at him and thought that he seemed tired, and utterly shaken by something. 

“Would you care for some coffee or hot chocolate?” You asked. “I even have tea, if you’d prefer that.”

“I would love tea,” he replied, gratefully.

“Coming right up, just relax.”

While you busied yourself in the kitchen, Loki laid his head back and stared at the ceiling. You could see just the back of his head, and you couldn’t help but wonder why he was out in the middle of a thunderstorm, and how he ended up on your doorstep. You decided to let him explain, if he wanted to, although you were certain that something was bothering him

“Here you go,” you said, as you joined him and handed him a cup. “It’s Japanese tea, I hope you like it. If not, I have other types.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, thank you.”

You curled up beside him, but not too close, and you both were silent while you enjoyed your tea. When he finished his, you refilled his cup and took your seat again. 

“What’s wrong?” You finally asked. 

He didn’t say anything, just looked at his hands, and you noticed that he picked at his palm. You recognized it as a sign of anxiety, but you knew you were infinitely disqualified from acting as any kind of counselor, especially to a Norse god who also happened to be an Avenger. You couldn’t offer advice, but you could listen. 

“Loki, I know we’ve only just met, so to speak,” you started, carefully. “I’m not going to pry, but I can listen. I will listen to anything that you want to tell me. Or we can just sit quietly and listen to the storm.”

He nodded but didn’t look at you for several minutes. Finally, he took a deep breath before passing a hand over his face. 

“I never thought that the flowers would…” he paused, and actually shuddered. “They reminded me of Frigga, and...I’ve dreamt of her lately.”

_ His mother.  _ Your simple gesture of giving him flowers reminded him of his mother, and you’d inadvertently caused him pain and grief. That realization felt like a fist had grabbed your heart and squeezed it hard. 

_ Way to go, moron! _

Loki picked up his tea cup, but it was empty, so you got up to get more for him, but he stopped you. 

“What do you have by way of alcohol?” He asked. 

“Let me see what I can rustle up for you.”

You knew exactly what you had, but were wary of getting a distraught Avenger drunk. There were three flasks of Japanese sake, so you put those in a warmer to heat while you found the cups to serve it with. Once you had a thimble-sized cup in hand, you put it away, knowing more than likely he’d drink directly from the flask. There was also a full bottle of whiskey, which you set on the counter. When the sake was warm, you took everything back to the sofa, and reached for his tea cup. 

“Japanese sake, or rice wine, try this first,” you told him, while pouring it. 

He drank the wine without even blinking, and reached for the flask. Before you knew it, you were having to open the whiskey for him. 

“Loki, I think you should slow down, okay?” You said, nervously. 

“It’s alright,” he said. “Midgardian alcohol is unlikely to make me drunk. Asgardian mead, however…”

“You don’t have any of that here, do you?”

“No, unfortunately,” he scoffed, which gave you a sense of relief. “Where were we? Oh, yes, Frigga.”

“Would you like to tell me about her?” 

Loki took a deep breath and splashed whiskey into both your teacups before starting. He shared memories of having tea in her garden, of her tending any wounds he’d received during training, of her tutelage in seidr. 

“That’s how you dried your clothes, right?”

He nodded before recalling more about the lessons in magic, and then having less time for garden teas as he grew old enough for Thor to drag him off through the Bifrost for one adventure after another. When they weren’t on adventures, they were restoring peace on other realms at Odin’s behest. 

You listened while he talked almost without taking a breath: the floodgates had opened, and he had to get it all out. He kept both tea cups filled, and you'd started feeling the whiskey’s effects even though you had paced yourself. 

When he started to share about the Dark Elves invading Asgard, you were alarmed to see tears brimming his eyes. You really wanted to stop him, but held your tongue. 

_ If he cries,  _ **_I’ll_ ** _ cry!  _

Luckily, a box of tissues was within reach, so you grabbed a couple without interrupting him. You knew the worst was yet to come, just based on what he had told you so far. You didn’t know the whole story, although you had overheard bits and pieces while you were delivering flowers. 

Loki explained that he’d been sent to the dungeons after his attempt to conquer Midgard, and his only contact with Frigga had been through illusions. So, when the Dark Elves had reached her chambers, he’d been in no position to protect her. 

There. There it was: all his guilt and despair in not being there to help her. 

When he finished, Loki emptied his cup before taking a deep breath. He laid his head back again, and propped his feet up while you debated on whether to say anything. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” He asked, without looking at you. 

“The flowers, and the garden…”

“You couldn’t have known.” He spoke so softly that you barely heard him. 

You sat in silence, mulling over what he’d told you. He obviously didn’t have anyone else to talk to other than a random person who brought the flowers that had triggered his memories. Loki probably didn’t share much with anyone, you realized. 

When you glanced at him, you were surprised to find that he was asleep, with his fingers loosely holding the cup. Carefully, you put it onto the coffee table before getting to your feet so that you could spread a blanket over him. He didn’t move, so you took the cups and empty liquor bottles to the kitchen. 

When you returned, you sat cross legged beside him, and gently straightened the blanket without waking him. His face was relaxed, with the exception of his brow, but at least he was sleeping. 

You felt that leaving him alone would be rude, so you got another blanket and sat back down on the couch, on the opposite end of the sofa. You were asleep within minutes, despite the storms that raged inside and outside your home. 

—

The next morning, Loki woke slowly, a bit disoriented until he remembered where he was. When he sat up, he noticed that you were still asleep on your end of the couch, so he got up carefully in order not to wake you. 

He felt as if a weight had been lifted off him, but also felt vulnerable since he’d unloaded on someone he barely knew. That was not something that he did,  _ ever.  _ He didn’t know what you would do now, and he hated the unknown. 

Quietly, he slipped out the door and made sure that it locked behind him. 

— — —

Later that week, you delivered flowers as usual to an empty floor. You put roses in the common room again, but for Loki, you left an arrangement of tulips, along with the usual notecard. 

When the team returned from a training exercise, Loki took his flowers and the card with him to his suite. As usual, he read the card before adding it to the others, but something about this one gave him pause. He’d intended to avoid you, without it being obvious. He’d seen the tears in your eyes that night, in sympathy for his own tears, and he’d been taken aback. He didn’t want anyone, especially a Midgardian, feeling sorry for him. 

He looked at the card again, which contained an invitation with a time and date to meet you at the flower shop. 

_ It will be best to avoid any entanglement, _ he told himself. 

Since he rarely listened to anyone, even himself, he walked the few blocks from the Tower to the shop, and arrived a few minutes early. One of the employees guided him to the garden; once she pointed out the path for him to take, she left him alone. 

Loki took time to admire the plants, and blooms, before he came upon you sitting at a table that hadn’t been there during his first visit there. You were nervously arranging and rearranging items on the table. 

“Hi,” you greeted him. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

“Thank you for the invitation,” he replied. 

“Come, sit.”

He realized then that there was a teapot, cups, along with fruit, cookies, and cupcakes. When he did sit down, you poured tea for him, and then offered the snacks to him. 

“I hope this was okay to do for you,” you said, softly. 

“Of course,” he replied. “This tea is very good.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

You both were silent for several minutes, with you not wanting to push any conversation on him. 

“Listen, I’m sorry about the other night,” he said, quietly. 

“Don’t be,” you replied. “I didn’t mind, and sometimes we all need someone to talk to, or to just listen. Could I have you promise me something, though?”

“And what would that be?” 

“Would you promise not to avoid me when I bring flowers to the Tower? I won’t tell anyone what happened; it’s as good as forgotten, if that’s what you want.”

Loki was stunned that you would make such an offer to him. He’d really expected that you would spill the beans to someone, and rather quickly. He reached over to grasp your hand and held on for a couple of minutes. 

“There is no need for that, little one, but I’m grateful,” he murmured. “And I promise that I won’t avoid you.”

“Thank you.” You were immensely relieved.

After the tea pot was empty, and the snacks gone, Loki’s phone buzzed from an incoming text. 

“I have to go,” he said, and stood. 

“Be careful?” You said, as you stood also.

“Always.”

Loki seemed to be indecisive about something before he laid his hands on your shoulders. Then he cupped your cheeks and pressed his forehead against yours. After that, he drew you against his chest and wrapped his arms around you. 

You laid your head against him, and heard his heart beating slow and steady. You were well aware of the trust he had just bestowed on you, which had you fighting tears. 

“I’d like to consider you a friend,” you whispered. 

“I’d be honored,” he whispered back. 

With that, he gave you a squeeze before he left you standing alone in your garden. You knew that he would return, though. He seemed more at ease than he’d been before he came to your house during the storm.

He now had a friend who wouldn’t judge him for past actions, and who would listen when he needed to talk. 

You were determined to be the best friend to him that you possibly could.


End file.
